Rainy Friday

a quiet day. rain in the air, on the earth. the sound of a flute in the background. cats sleeping. dog dozing. me, well, i'm bored, restless, anxious. not doing so well in one of my classes. that makes me sad, but it's just beyond my brain to grasp fully and, honestly, i just want out. wish i had the guts to empty my bank account and get in my car and go. anywhere. on an adventure. last week i was wondering when i'm going to have fun in this life. not just a day here, a day there, but many days, weeks, months, years. i look in the mirror and i don't know who that person is staring back at me. i used to be young, and now i'm not, and it seemed to happen overnight. i wasted so much time trying to find the meaning of life, to discover who i am. i never did find the answers and now it doesn't matter to me. i miss being young. i miss the ease with which i used to change things up. i now feel cemented to the earth, perhaps because i'm so much closer to becoming part of it. dust to dust, as they say. it's kind of strange to back away from your life and realize that you're about 3/4 of the way through it. when people say time flies as you get older, they're not kidding. i should be reading more chapters in my textbook, but i would rather drink tea and eat chocolate on this rainy day in february.