Just a Thought

I'm not 16 years old anymore, but sometimes I still wonder just who I am. My human contradictions confuse me. How can I get so angry that I want to kill someone for driving like an idiot, yet in the next minute be carefully picking up a dead squirrel off the road, burying it by a tree, and saying a prayer over it? How can I be amazed that a pair of wild geese will swim to me and stand in front of me, looking at me while "talking" to me, yet not utilize enough of the amazing technology that makes communicating with people so much easier and faster? Why is that I love chocolate but not hard candy? Why do I like wine but not beer? Why do I hate guns yet want to beat up a neighbor for playing loudass rap? Why do some people have lots of money and I don't? Why do people win stuff and I don't? Why do fleas and mosquitoes love to bite me but not my friend Beverly? Why do I love mountains but don't want to live in their environment? Why is it so difficult for me to be carefree? Why do I drive only 5-10 miles over the speed limit on I-275 but almost everyone else prefers to drive at least 20 miles over the speed limit? Why do I always hunt for a parking space with shade (which usually means a longer walk to the store) but everyone else I know parks in the sun as close to the store as possible? How is it that can I live in the United States for eons yet still feel Canadian? Why is that when I look in the mirror there is this older woman's face staring back me? What happened to the fresh-faced 16-year-old girl with long dark hair parted in the middle, pale pale lipstick, hoop earrings, black tights, short skirts, and funky shoes? How can I be this old yet still feel the wind of the passing cars on my 16-year-old body when I walked home on the Lions Gate Bridge? When I was in my early 20s, my parents owned a small apartment complex in downtown St. Petersburg. It was mostly populated with retirees. I remember a grey-haired woman with a mightily wrinkled face who told me to never get old, that it wasn't fun at all. Damn. I tried, lady, I really did . . . .

I guess if you know exactly who you are, if you have it all figured out, then perhaps you haven't traveled outside your comfort zone. Maybe that's part of the conundrum of life. Just when you think you know what you're doing and who you are, along comes a pair of wild geese who see something in you that you didn't know existed.