can't find my way home
it's been a while. i've been so damn, damn tired. feel like i'm crawling through my life. my brain is lost in a fog with tentacles that reach down into my very breath. and then i go and adopt a 7-year-old Australian Shepherd mix dog from the Humane Society and bring her home to 3 cats in a small villa and we're all lost for a month and I get a horrendous and long-lasting cold 2 weeks into our new adventure. along with the dog -- for some reason i don't understand -- 3 neighborhood stray cats have now decided that I'm their new mama. my raccoon is gone. i don't know what happened to her. most likely killed by a not-so-friendly human or dog. and then i find out my 23-year-old BMW is terminal so I had to get another vehicle, and soon. i did - a brand new hot-off-the-press Hyundai Kona because it's an SUV and small and, well, what can i say, super cute. appeals to my inner young woman.
i have 4 days off now, but i'll pay for that. starting tuesday, i'll work 3 days, then one day off, then work 6 days before i get 2 days off. by then, i won't even remember my name i'll be so exhausted. and i have forgotten my name in the past due to extreme tiredness. that was freaky, let me tell you. i understand now why people my age retire. commuting 1-1/2 hours a day, working for 9 hours, 8 hours of which is spent running from desk to desk on floor to floor and dealing with the public all day, and in a library people always need something, whether in person or on the phone. and sometimes you have to be basically a babysitter or a parent, making sure adults are not sleeping or eating or watching porn on the public computers or being obnoxious or disruptive. makes a girl just wanna run away in her new Hyundai Kona with her new dog and her not-so-new cats to a new life, except she can't figure out what it is or where it is or how to get there.
they say you are where you're supposed to be. well, duh. you are where you are because of the choices you made in the past. sometimes i don't think - i just jump -- and sometimes it works out, and sometimes it doesn't. now, that's totally profound. how did i get to be so smart? Ha . . . .
i have 4 days off now, but i'll pay for that. starting tuesday, i'll work 3 days, then one day off, then work 6 days before i get 2 days off. by then, i won't even remember my name i'll be so exhausted. and i have forgotten my name in the past due to extreme tiredness. that was freaky, let me tell you. i understand now why people my age retire. commuting 1-1/2 hours a day, working for 9 hours, 8 hours of which is spent running from desk to desk on floor to floor and dealing with the public all day, and in a library people always need something, whether in person or on the phone. and sometimes you have to be basically a babysitter or a parent, making sure adults are not sleeping or eating or watching porn on the public computers or being obnoxious or disruptive. makes a girl just wanna run away in her new Hyundai Kona with her new dog and her not-so-new cats to a new life, except she can't figure out what it is or where it is or how to get there.
they say you are where you're supposed to be. well, duh. you are where you are because of the choices you made in the past. sometimes i don't think - i just jump -- and sometimes it works out, and sometimes it doesn't. now, that's totally profound. how did i get to be so smart? Ha . . . .
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