I summited Mt. Everest!!

Yep. I summited Mt. Everest. And I did it without camping for 50 days at base camp and above in order to acclimatize. I did it without fear of frostbite, hypoxia, cerebral edema, pulmonary edema, and mountain altitude sickness. I did it without the aid of oxygen or ropes. I didn't develop a cough or lose my appetite or worry about dehydration. I didn't even have to wear long underwear, heavy-duty boots and down snow gear, or carry a 40-pound backpack. And there was no traffic jam on the way to the summit. No. None of that. And, even more amazing, I summited in less than one minute. No five-day climb from advanced base camp for me. You may call me a liar, but I tell you it's true. I stood on the summit of 29,028-foot Mt. Everest . . . via Google Earth. It was awesome! Of course, it wasn't the same thing as actually climbing the mountain and standing breathless on top of the world, but it was still awesome, and I didn't have to pay $40,000-$65,000 for a guided ascent, with no guarantees of actually summiting.

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I was so jazzed by my Mt. Everest summit feat that I decided to try my prowess on the second highest mountain in the world, K2, known as the Savage Mountain and to many people, the deadliest mountain on earth. But my pal Google Earth said Huh? K2? So I gave a hint: It's located in the Karakoram mountain range, on the border between Pakistan and China, hundreds of miles northwest of Mt. Everest. Still a no-go. Oh, Google Earth, you let me down. Maybe next year?