Whaaaaat.....

I got divorced last week . . . and I didn't even know I was married.

My lawn guy Bill dumped me after I used the services of another lawn guy when Bill didn't return my call or show up for 10 days after I left a message on his cell (Bill never answers his phone - you have to leave a message). Like a good little girl, I waited for Bill to show up to mow my grass the weekend after I called. He didn't come. So I waited the following week too; he didn't call or come by. I was going to call him again, but I decided to just mow the lawn myself. I have an old lawn mower that works, but the summer heat and I don't get along so I like to have someone else mow my front yard in the summer. 

I only utilized Bill's mowing expertise twice this year (and a few times last year) but I guess that constitutes a committed relationship. Who knew? I mean, is there a Freelance Lawn Guy Code that says if a guy mows a woman's lawn two times in a row (weeks apart) that he's the only one for that woman and she better not even think of looking at another freelance lawn guy or the "original" lawn guy will terminate their relationship forever? Bill didn't even call, text or talk to me in person to say sayonara. He left a note on my door on the 11th day after I called while I was out, which said he was never going to mow my lawn again because I had used someone else and that was not nice.

And on top of that, the interloper lawn guy didn't even do a good job, although he said he would do a professional job. After I paid him and I went out to move my car, I found a mess. Mr. Professional must have used a blower that blasted wet grass clippings on my car and my neighbor's car which I could not brush off. We both had to wash our cars; I offered to pay for a car wash for my neighbor, but he politely said no. I also had to clean off my other neighbor's white fence that was splattered with sticky grass clippings because even though he couldn't see it, I could and I didn't want to look at dirty fence every time I came out my front door. There were also grass clippings and residue on the communal mailbox and a Tampa Electric box that I cleaned off as well. And because this guy left the grass too high, two days later another lawn guy came knocking on my door, offering to mow my lawn. I was so angry at Bill and Mr. Professional that I turned this guy away. Two days after that, another lawn guy offered to mow my high grass. 

He said his name is Jimmy and he lives in my subdivision, so I decided to give him a chance. When I came home from work, dead tired, on the Monday Jimmy said he would mow the lawn, he did mow it but he didn't edge or fully clean up the clippings. So there I was sweeping the two-car parking pad with a small broom and chopping the grass growing in cracks in the concrete parking pad, along my neighbor's fence, the walkway and other places with a pair of scissors. And because it's summer in Florida, it was hot, hot, hot. When Jimmy came to get his money later that evening, he said he didn't edge the grass because someone stole the extension cord he needed for his electric edger. How convenient. He offered to come back in two weeks (on fixed schedule) but I said I'd call him. I hope he's not waiting by the phone.

So, I'm back to mowing my grass by myself, and that means I'm going to have to buy an edger and learn how to use it. I found an affordable manual edger online but I don't know if it can handle Florida's tough St. Augustine grass with its thick roots, or more likely, I don't know if I'm strong enough to push a manual edger through the grass. I wonder if miniature goats or llamas are allowed to live and chomp in suburban yards . . . . 


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