Second thoughts
I just deleted the post I wrote this morning. I began to think about what I said and I didn't like it, especially in lieu of what the people and animals affected by Hurricane Harvey are going through right now. I still don't like the idea of being required to be a responder in disasters that could ravage Hillsborough County, but I probably need to put on my big girl panties and deal with it, although I have to admit that the idea of being a moment's-notice responder gives me panic attacks. I'm mostly concerned about my cats and who will take care of them if I'm gone for more than the mandatory 12-hour shift. I've been wanting to get a dog (I look at rescue sites all the time), but now that I'm on the responder list, I will not have a dog in my life. It's one thing to leave cats alone in a house for 12-13 hours or more, but it's another thing to leave a dog in a house that long.
When I was shopping in Target this afternoon, I bought a gratitude tree kit and that started me thinking about what I'm grateful for. I am grateful for my job (even if I'm required to be a responder); it's a good job with good colleagues and a great supervisor. I'm grateful for my cats because they give me love, scratches, and flying fur. I'm grateful for my 22-year-old BMW because it gets me where I want to go. I'm grateful for my friends and family because without them I am totally alone in this world (cats aside). I am grateful for my good health because a few years ago I was battling cancer and now I have hair, normal taste buds, meat on my bones (a bit too much in some places), and energy (most of the time). I am grateful for my eyesight (with glasses now) so I can read, read, read, and watch cool stuff on TV (I love The Walking Dead, Ice Road Truckers, Alone, Globe Trekker, and Ancient Aliens). I am grateful for my little home because it keeps me cool in the summer and warm on our few cold days, it holds all my belongings, and it's my refuge from that loud, busy, fast world we live in. I'm also grateful for my Rainbow Bridge dogs, Kodiak and Sully, because they showed me a kind of love I had not experienced before (or since). I am grateful for dark chocolate because it makes everything better. I am grateful for all the authors who write the fiction books I love to read; life would be so desolate without the words they write, the people and worlds they create. A girl can get lost in those books . . . .
I guess I could go on about everything I'm grateful for. I could go on about everything I don't like as well, but what I'm beginning to learn about being forced to be a responder is that I need to be more spontaneous. I am not a spontaneous person. Oh, maybe I buy stuff not on my grocery list (like the potato chips I'm eating right now) or I take a road I've not traveled on before (I do this on occasion) or I adopt a starving cat that shows up on my doorstep (I have done this too many times to count), but to be truly spontaneous at a moment's notice that requires a packed bag and a "family plan" for my cats and my home is just not in my repertoire at this time. I don't know if I can change that fast at this point in my life. Honestly, I don't know if I want to.
When I was shopping in Target this afternoon, I bought a gratitude tree kit and that started me thinking about what I'm grateful for. I am grateful for my job (even if I'm required to be a responder); it's a good job with good colleagues and a great supervisor. I'm grateful for my cats because they give me love, scratches, and flying fur. I'm grateful for my 22-year-old BMW because it gets me where I want to go. I'm grateful for my friends and family because without them I am totally alone in this world (cats aside). I am grateful for my good health because a few years ago I was battling cancer and now I have hair, normal taste buds, meat on my bones (a bit too much in some places), and energy (most of the time). I am grateful for my eyesight (with glasses now) so I can read, read, read, and watch cool stuff on TV (I love The Walking Dead, Ice Road Truckers, Alone, Globe Trekker, and Ancient Aliens). I am grateful for my little home because it keeps me cool in the summer and warm on our few cold days, it holds all my belongings, and it's my refuge from that loud, busy, fast world we live in. I'm also grateful for my Rainbow Bridge dogs, Kodiak and Sully, because they showed me a kind of love I had not experienced before (or since). I am grateful for dark chocolate because it makes everything better. I am grateful for all the authors who write the fiction books I love to read; life would be so desolate without the words they write, the people and worlds they create. A girl can get lost in those books . . . .
I guess I could go on about everything I'm grateful for. I could go on about everything I don't like as well, but what I'm beginning to learn about being forced to be a responder is that I need to be more spontaneous. I am not a spontaneous person. Oh, maybe I buy stuff not on my grocery list (like the potato chips I'm eating right now) or I take a road I've not traveled on before (I do this on occasion) or I adopt a starving cat that shows up on my doorstep (I have done this too many times to count), but to be truly spontaneous at a moment's notice that requires a packed bag and a "family plan" for my cats and my home is just not in my repertoire at this time. I don't know if I can change that fast at this point in my life. Honestly, I don't know if I want to.
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